The path to healing

I have been contemplating on leaving this. It’s a bit personal. But then my sixth sense is saying tell the story. It’s an outlet of that inner feeling. A feeling that sometime come as outbursts especially when life is too overwhelming to bear. So allow me dear reader to write this letter as if I’m addressing it to the impoverished self.

Dear myself

TRAGIC LOSS AND THE STINGING PAIN

There is no recovery to the loss of a mother!

That person was us dear self. I don’t think we will have a better tragedy. Two irrecoverable losses in less than 10 months. Two mother figures leaving us without a goodbye.

Let’s not trouble ourselves with the circumstances. Gogo (grandmother) was a bit older, but that doesn’t justify following her daughter when we loved her shadow to give comfort and energy to our bleeding and weary soul. Mhamha (mother) had life in her. She was young and energetic. She had power and dreams. The world robbed us all that. In an instant we were shattered and left awestruck by the lightning of hate and lack of respect for women let alone humanity. I don’t know if she counts in those frightening stats of women robbed of life in the rainbow nation.

Let’s not dwell on loss too much. Not because we have no agony of the pain of that loss that nothing else can replace. Inspire the world by talking of how we healed.

THE HUMAN FACTOR TO HEALING

If what we lost was irrecoverable, the wound was at least bandaged by the mercies of people physically known or unknown to us. These little riches in Humankind, we cannot drown in sorrow and loss. Rather, we should try our best to use this to inspire positivity.

Do you remember self, that lady on that AFM in Zimbabwe WhatsApp group who shared the same totem with mother. You have lost her contacts. But you haven’t lost her invaluable words in your inbox. ‘Son I’m sorry for your loss. Please when you feel like crying cry. It’s human for you to cry’. After the burial in between studying for the upcoming exam we indeed cried. Two Rivers flowing down your rough face you asked God but why me God😭. With every drop you felt the the weight of sorrow loosening up from the inside though. You had no magical powers of Moses who is said to have had personal conversations with the Lord.

Never forget Melania. How you were not shy to tell ‘I’m thinking of mother I can’t study’. She would console you, encourage you. Don’t ever think of the worst case if she wasn’t that supportive pillar.

Dear self think of the words Gogo Mai Moyo told you in the thick of things; Chikoro chinopera chete (studies shall be accomplished).

When all was still bad you get to know how overwhelming were the donations to make sure Mhamha will be buried amongst her people. But the greatest news was when Mainini Nyembe told you murungu wamhamha ati anokupinza chikoro (your mom’s boss said they will pay for your fees). It was sweet music to a boy going through one of the greatest loss a human can ever have.

Do you remember your first call from your mother’s boss consoling you and assuring you that fees will be catered for. Self, never forget the corresponding email and WhatsApp chat with the Winslows as they honored their pledges to support your fees. Oooooooh do you remember opening a brand new Lenovo laptop from the box from the Winslows. You graduated with little hustling

Do you remember when the saying in Achebe’s book ‘Mother is supreme’ became a lived experience to you. The Moyoz took you under their wing and made you one of their own. Never ever forget the miracle of starting a Masters program with no cent or work to talk of. But without taking our God’s hand on that miraculous ending give credit to his Angels that came in human form. The Moyoz for sheltering you, helping out with transport and other fees. When the hope of attaining your certificate was all shattered because of that huge outstanding balance owed to the university, remember that January linked in message from Mr Winslow you opened after two months. Will you forget how the family bailed you out and how the feeling of caressing that Masters transcript.

Dear self never forget the words from Mr Winslow when you thanked him. He told you he was glad he had done that but he also wished you will be able to do so when opportunity afford you that.

If you go out in the world, Advocate, always remember the world is never perfect. You will live to drink the salty waters from your eyes. But always remember to acknowledge the good that kept you going. The good that popped into your life as you chat your path to healing. Be inspired by such dots of good to continue expanding the space where good can reside in this jungle. Hope is not only God driven, people can also be agents of hope. Healing is not only from heaven, it can also be from us.

In his epistle James in the bible sorry sorries and prayers are not always sufficient to console humanity in need of clothes or food (material things). Where possible let’s try to bring joy, smile to those in need of the few that we had through catering for their needs. It’s not enough to tell me death is the way for all of us as if I die tomorrow. Without the provision of the physical needs depression was possible, suicide was possible, drug abuse was possible but love made hope a possibility.

Yours

Me